Correction and Evaluation

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Evaluation Form

Sample Evaluation

News stories on TV and in newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words. What is your opinion about this?

Nowadays, people have various mediums of information available like TV channels and newspapers. The information consists of images as well as text. Some of the readers are of the view that these images are more helpful to convey the idea that the textual portion. Personally, I also believe the same as they not only attract the attention of readers but also lasts longer in the minds of audiences.

  1. A comma before “but” because there is a need for a pause
  2. Lasts—last
  3. The background sentence is a weak one, and in the first three sentences, there is more of a robotic (mechanical) flow than natural.

First, colourful images and pictures with catchy captions catches the attention instantly. To elaborate this, people are having hectic schedules these days and don’t have time to read lengthy pages or listen to extended audio. For instance, in a recent survey conducted by The Express Tribune, 60% of newspaper readers don’t spend more than 5 minutes reading a paper. Therefore, pictures can be highly helpful for readers to provide main happenings and stories in less time as one picture can worth more than thousand words.

  1. First—Firstly
  2. Catches—catch (you should be using a different word when you have already used “catchy.” Moreover, “catchy” is also an informal word—captures
  3. In the first sentence, your express “capturing attention,” but in the second sentence where you are supposed to elaborate on the same point, you fail to draw a direct relation to ‘capturing attention.’ And on reading subsequent sentences, it is evident that you have drifted away from the main idea expressed in the first sentence.
  4. A comma before “and”—coordinating conjunction connecting two independent causes.
  5. Don’t—do not (don’t use contractions as they are informal)
  6. To provide—to inform/to update
  7. And stories—at local and international level 
  8. Can—is
  9. One picture………….thousand words—wrong collocation—a picture is worth a thousand words  

Second, the non-text information can be remembered for longer period of time than the textual one. That is to say, folks find it difficult to memorize information in the form of sentences as compared to graphics. To illustrate this, one research conducted by the LUMS (Top ranked institute of Pakistan) found that almost 80% of the students who had learned through books having pics lasted information longer than those who had learned through non-graphics books. So the information displayed in any source of medium having pictures would be remembered for more time.

  1. Second—secondly 
  2. Longer period—a longer period (adjective noun combination)
  3. Folks—inappropriate—people
  4. The second sentence is merely a repetition of the first sentence.
  5. Top ranked—a top ranked (no capitalization; “a” because there is adjective-noun combination)
  6. Pics—informal—pictures
  7. Lasted—retained
  8. So—a comma after it
  9. Would be—is

In my opinion, those news channels and newspapers who have more graphics tend to have more viewership which shows that it is more useful to convey the theme and story of an event as it is readily assimilated by the audiences.

  1. In my opinion—to conclude
  2. Who—which
  3. Graphics—graphics in their news pieces 
  4. This was supposed to be a conclusion where you should have summarized your main points in BP1 and BP2 to support your opinion.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

There are minor grammatical errors, especially not using “a” before the adjective-noun combination.

Lexical Resource: 7

You need to use more formal words, and more adjectives, and work on your collocations. Words choice has been inappropriate in a few places.

Coherence and Cohesion: 5-6

Overuse of linkers. In Bp1, you lose focus. In BP2, there is a repetition in the second sentence, and a wrong linker to start the conclusion.

Task Response: 6

Bp1 is below par as you lose focus, and the conclusion was poor too.

Estimated Band: 6-6.5


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